Sunny Cairns

I went to Cairns the other week.

I packed my apricot face exfoliator, a clay-conditioning face mask, ylang-ylang bath oil, lavender scented hand-cream and a bunch of bananas.

When I got to the airport, I was told:

But how could I fit my apricot face exfoliator, clay-conditioning face mask, ylang-ylang bath oil and lavender scented hand-cream into a bag with a sealed area adding up to no more than 80 centimeters?

Confused and angry I squeezed my face wash out into my hand and walked through the security gates with my hand clenched firmly.

Apparently I wasn't as stealth as I'd thought - the sticky clump of face wash in my hand was spotted. Luckily, as a customs officer loomed towards me, my grandma and her hip replacement* walked through the security gates and set off all the alarms. It was my only chance, so I made off into the duty-free perfumes. I'd find grandma later.

* A (fairly) Scientific diagram of Grandma's hip

But my troubles weren't over. When we finally got to Cairns we were greeted by garbage bins.

Sigh. I thought of my bananas.

So I read the fine print, which informed me if I failed to make a declaration of my bananas:

Well, I didn't want to be caught. When this happens, my face usually goes all hot and red, and yes, I have been known to cry. Also, I didn't want to be fined $220 on-the-spot cause I'm saving for a motorbike and if I went to jail for a bunch of bananas it would be pretty disappointing because I wouldn't be able to ride my motorbike for 10 years and by then perhaps I would have grown out of the desire to even have a motorbike!

But I wasn't about to throw my bananas into the bin. So I ate them, one by one.

And then I walked through customs and out into sunny Cairns with a sticky hand and a belly full of bananas and enjoyed my holiday. (Albeit without my clay-conditioning face mask, ylang-ylang bath oil and lavender scented hand-cream.)

Fin.